My first childhood memory is disgusting at best,
and the abuse that occurred everyday from that point on is unspeakable. My own
mother abused me in every way possible, for well over a decade of my life.
Her daily abuse towards me was physical, emotional, and even sexual. My life
was a 'living hell' I would wake up each day with dread, and go to bed each
night with that same dread, but it was all I knew, this was my life. I'll spare you the details, as
they were horrific at best, I can make a grown man cry, by telling just a few
stories of what I endured as a child, by the hands of my own mother. If
you are trying to imagine her, think, 'Hitler' than quadruple that thought. My
mother is the scariest person I've ever met in my entire life; she was like the
'devil' on steroids. If she was able to think of a new way to torture me, or a
new household item that could be used to cause me pain, it was used on me,
almost as if I were an experiment, and she was the scientist coming up with the
experiments. I spent my entire childhood
trying to escape from my mother, I ran away from home hundreds of times, from
kindergarten on up. I'd often spend weeks on the run, in Sacramento,
California. I'd be gone so long that I'd be on the local news as a missing
child. I'd try to tell my story to anyone that would listen, but nobody heard
my 'cry' for help. This was the story of my life, and each time I'd be returned
to my home, where the abuse would continue day in, and day out. This statement about 'nobody
hearing my cry', became my new mantra, living in such a big city, with houses
only ten feet apart from each other, it puzzled me that my neighbors couldn't
hear what was going on? I used to look out the window at night, and ask God,
why can't anybody hear my cry? I even asked Him, "Why wasn’t He doing
anything about my situation?" This abuse continued until I was almost 16
years old, and then finally one day, somebody heard my cry.
His name was Tom McCollough he worked
at what they call a neighborhood alternative center, it was where they take in
runaways, with the goal of returning them to their homes, I’d been in this
center many previous times, but each time they would just return me to my home.
My mother was ‘brilliant’ and she could put on the appearance of ‘light’ almost
as if she were an angel, and I was the incorrigible child. Time in, and time
out they bought into her lies, and I’d find myself back under her control. Tom
saw through my mother, he saw her for what she was, not for what she was
proclaiming herself to be. He made me a promise that I would never be sent back
home if he had any say-so in the matter.
I was free, thanks to the one man
who heard my cry! But something strange, started right about the same time, God
surrounded me with Christians! I’m unsure of any different way to say this, but
every foster-parent, every counselor, every teacher, everyone it seemed like
were Christians, they all had the same message; I needed Christ! Christ died
for me, to forgive me of my sins. I never pictured myself as a sinner, but
okay, now I can’t even go anywhere, and people are handing me tracts, all of
them telling me that I need Jesus! I was raised in an (LDS/Mormon home) I
thought I knew this Jesus, and I wasn’t interested! Come to find out they were talking about a completely different Jesus, the Jesus in the Bible, the
true Jesus, I’ll admit it sounded good, but I was skeptical at best.
The day everything changed for me was
an ordinary day, I’m at home with my foster mother, and a female college
student comes over and prays with her, something struck me as odd, what is this
supposedly smart person doing praying with this crazy older woman? I fell to
the floor, and I said, “Jesus Christ, if you’re real, I’ll admit to being a
sinner, even though I don’t really think that I am. I just need your love, and
if admitting this fact gives me your love than, yes, I’m a sinner.” Instantly,
I felt this ‘pling’ inside my heart, not sure how to describe it, I just know
that God’s love entered my heart that day.
A lot has transpired since then, I literally
could write a book about the second chapter in my life, I with the help of God,
through Jesus Christ was able to completely forgive my mother. This was huge
and made me the person I am today. Through God, we successfully raised three
kids, and I didn’t beat one of them, even though I was tempted to on quite a
few occasions. We broke the curse! My mother mentioned to me one day, that I
reminded her of her grandfather, who abused her as a child, so this was a
generational problem that needed to be stopped.
My last paragraph is going to shock you
but hear me out anyways. If I could go back in time, as an infant, and could
re-do my childhood; I would choose everything just the way it happened, because
this is what ultimately led me to Jesus Christ. Becoming and being a Christian is
the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m so glad
I didn’t have ice cream cones every Sunday, and perfect parents that loved me. My
childhood experiences brought me directly into the loving arms of Jesus Christ,
and I’m not positive I would’ve come to Him, or seen my need for Him, had I of
been raised any differently. My childhood experiences led me towards Christ, and
the love of God, through Jesus Christ is what keeps me in Him. ~ David Forsyth
